I looked into his eyes and moved closer. He smiled. Maybe he knew. Maybe he didn’t. I was sure I had no clue what I was about to do myself, even though I was about to do something. I could feel my heart beat faster, my palms began to grow sweaty. I smiled. I was about to kiss him. I’d never dreamed of kissing Rob until now. But, now, I wanted to. And, I was going to.
I didn’t say another as I brought my hand to his face. He was always clean-shaven, his skin was soft to touch. I jolted as I felt his skin against my fingertips. I smiled as my face neared his. I leaned in, my lips finding his. I kissed him slowly at first. I moaned softly, deepening the kiss, wrapping my arms around him. I melted instantly. I felt his lips move against mine as he kissed me back. The flutters returned deep in my belly. I sighed, holding tighter to him. Suddenly I felt his hands at my shoulders pushing me away.
I stared at him in disbelief.
“Rhys, what are you doing?” He questioned.
“Rob, I -” I paused, “I just.” I stopped, I could feel my face beginning to hear up. He hadn’t wanted to kiss me at all. I could feel the tears starting to sting my eyes as I backed away from him. He didn’t feel the same way I did. I was in love with him but to Rob I was only a friend.
“Rhys, what’s wrong with you?” He asked, his eyes large as he tried to read into me.
That was I all it took. There was no use in fighting my tears. I began wiping them away as they fell down my cheeks. Rob stared blankly at me, did nothing to intervene, did nothing to comfort me like he normally would.
“Rob, I just,” I cried, “I just realize that,” I sniffed, “after all these years.” All he could do was stare. He did nothing. I began to cry harder, “I’m in love with you.” As I expected and as I feared, no reaction. I quickly got up, “I have to go.”
I shook him off, heading to the door. I couldn’t look at him, I couldn’t look into his eyes knowing he didn’t care for me.
I took to the stairs a few at a time. Anything to get me out of there quicker. I swung open the door and headed into the rain, which made it easier to hide the tears still slipping down my face. I glanced behind me, hoping to see Rob trailing after me. The only thing I saw was nothing. I wiped my face, continuing to cry. The only thing I could think of was – what would now happened to Rob and I?
I felt like such a bum. I felt gross. Not to mention, I looked gross. I couldn’t remember my last shower. The last time I’d changed out of my pajamas for clean ones. Or my last meal other than ice cream and bad Chinese take out from down the street.
My phone beeped. Another text from Rob. Another that would go unread like all the others that he’d been sending. I deleted it. After the not-so-welcome lip lock I couldn’t stand to think about him. Let alone face him again. I shoveled another spoonful of ice cream into my mouth, glancing over at my clock. Another 5 minutes and my fried rice, sweet and sour chicken and won tons would be free.
The knock at my door prompted me to grab my wallet, but on the other side I didn’t find my Chinese comfort, instead I found my sister, Lona.
She made a sickened face, “this is worse than I thought.”
I rolled my eyes, “I’m fine.”
“Fine isn’t being in the same pajamas for a week straight.” She shot, pushing past me.
“Then tell me, how would you react?” I asked, shutting the door behind her.
“I never wallow alone,” she started, “and I don’t live off ice cream.”
“First I have Chinese on the way,” I told her, “second, who wants to wallow with this?” I pointed at myself.
“You could always call me.” She told me.
I rolled my eyes, “Lona, I need time, I don’t need this from you or mom.”
“Time,” she said, “honey you need more than time, you need a both for one,” she threw her things onto my couch, “and two, mom didn’t send me, I wanted to check on your myself. To be honest, mom doesn’t even know.”
“I don’t feel like it,” I said, “and I prefer to keep mom out of this.”
“Mom will stay out of it, but I don’t feel like smelling you.” She told me.
Another knock on the door interrupted us. My little boxes of Chinese comfort. I shoved the money at the guy and hastily shut the door as I thanked him.
“I hope you ordered enough for me.” She said.
“I didn’t know you were coming.” I shot.
“Well, you’re sharing.” She ordered.
I went into the kitchen pulling out two forks.
She shook her head, “no, no, no,” she scolded, “you’re not eating this crap out of boxes, use plates,” she said digging through my cabinets, “it’ll make you feel better.”
For once I obeyed, letting her push the food from the paper boxes and onto the plates.
“So,” she said, handing me a dish, “Rob, huh?”
I looked down for a moment, fighting my urge to cry, “yeah,” I paused, “Rob.”
“And, he’s not into you that way?” She asked.
I shook my head, “he asked me what I was doing and what was wrong with me.”
“Honey, I’m sorry,” she told me, “has he called.’
“Several time, a hundred texts,” I told her, “but I ignore them.” I took a bite of chicken, “I feel so stupid,” I admitted, “I mean, my God, what was I thinking.”
“Well, first off, you’re in love with him,” she told me, grabbing a bottle of Arbor Mist from the refrigerator, “ when that happens you really have no common sense.”
“Yeah,” I said, “I lost that when I kissed him.”
“I always had a horrible feeling he was leading you on.” She admitted.
“I don’t know what he’s doing.” I said, taking another bite of food.
“On a more serious note,” she said, cracking open the fruity wine, “you can’t keep doing this, it’s not healthy and you’re stinking up this incredible apartment.”
I attempted to laugh it off, “I don’t know what to do anymore.”
“First, take a shower and we’ll go out,” she said, “you can’t stay in your dirty pj’s and stay cooped up. It’s no wonder you feel like shit,” she paused, “you look like shit.”
“Thanks.” I said, having a swallow of wine.
“I’m just being completely honest, it’s what sisters are for.” She told me.